heartbeat: Meeting God halfway


I started this teaching series just a few weeks ago and this will be my 2021 teaching series because it has so much to accomplish and transform. As always, I am inspired spiritually way before I can put the words, feelings, or expressions on a page. It works in me before I can fully say what these times are doing to all of us. I've revisited nearly every emotion that was apart of many of my traumas, and I've struggled with how to respond to the demon of trauma our world has been engulfed by through the work of corruption, sin, stubbornness, pain, politics, influence, dominance, and power. Have we forgotten what God's power and innate good power looks like and feels like? I think so. Right now, the Silent Generation and Baby Boomers are desperately fighting to redeem themselves from the pain that was brought onto our country in the last four years. They believe it will come through our current President, and it may very well be the miracle that leaves a better legacy for these generations. We might be able to forget what was done even if it goes into the history books to remind us. We'll just have to see if what we have now will reform the cellular imprint of trauma that will not be forgotten for a long time. We are living in a time where we must try, with whatever we have, to reform the imprint of trauma and try to heal what is and was broken. We must try to find better ways to cope with what many generations BELIEVED was the right way to do things. The heavy corruption that we met in the last four years didn't start overnight. It started with a number of generations believing in a brand of dominance and power that set up strict hierarchies without collaboration and cohesion. We were taught out of the brands of authority that came from the religious world that created gender inequality, power inequalities, and status inequalities without one ounce of God's permission. God never gave permission and has been pushing the truth to the surface to such a degree that we have had this massive global changing crisis to deal with all the problems we ignored. That's right, we ignored God, and somehow, we didn't realize that we needed to do this differently many generations ago. It will take more generations to correct the pain that took us to this point. Can we correct? I hope so. The desperation is real, and the heartbeat is hiding trying to take shelter to protect itself. I want to protect her. This heartbeat that has great power. I believe in her, this heart. I know she will win. This song, "You Walk With Me," from Kirby Kaple and the Housefires, is another rendition of how God has inspiring me lately. I love many of the lyrics. I just have to add everywhere it speaks of God the Father that we had God the Mother too, because we can't forget her at this point. She's the heart of this whole thing and we wouldn't be here without her. I've set into motion some huge miracles for this year and next. I've spoken them out loud with that desire to heal from trauma, to complete my doctorate, get married, and have a family. I don't believe that God forgot me, and God has been faithful to help continue to steer my path towards fruition. I just notice how many times that people or the world would love to have a piece of your dream too. So, I had to go inside. I had to say that I couldn't save it all because I'm aligned with God to save me more this time. I have to trust that I've taught about God enough that we can do more than just change a president and elect a woman to a higher ground. I have to hope that we have only just begun, that we are willing to do more than just pretend we want things to change, but that we are doing the work to actually heal. I have remembered all of the generations and people who were part of my trauma. These times have helped to remind me more of that trauma than I ever really want to be reminded. There are things hidden. Secrets have not been shared. Brokenness has been survived and lived through that no one knows about, and there must be a reckoning for the trauma created. There must be justice. Justice is part of healing. Rape is an incredibly hard trauma to heal. It's not just that it laid down the wrong experience about sexual intimacy, consent, and power. It's that everything we do in our culture represents this wrong memory. Only 1% of rapists that are ever charged are ever going to pay for their crime, and there are so many rapists that are never going to be charged because of our corrupted and broken justice system. Then, we have men and women in many generations who don't believe that healing this system and every system associated (business, school, medical, religious, etc) is important enough. We believe that it's more important to retain this voice of influence and power over others, which is constantly reactivating the same PTSD that any rape and trauma survivor is trying to heal. The only way to justice is to be courageous. For me, this broken system was so defiantly oppressive that an educated poor white woman was discriminated against by those abundant, by those of white and color, by those of all ages, and by those of power. It was easier to discriminate than fix the system. Over and over again, I heard the message that I was not important enough to be heard or that justice would be served. None of it was of God. All of it teaches you to listen to something higher and believe you are better than that. Once I stopped believing this culture, I started believing in myself. Over and over again, I was asked when I would be over this. The frustration of a culture to have to deal with rape and trauma was real. They didn't want to have to deal with it, and now we are overwhelmed with having to deal with it. We absolutely have no choice. We have a crisis bigger than us that will not let us out until we do deal with our frustration to change the culture that created the trauma in the first place. We must go back to the root. The heartbeat. We must go back to how we began, and reshape the cellular memory, the fabric of our foundation. We must build it again from the ground up. We must clear out what was not working. We must cleanse ourselves like we've not attempted before. More than anything, we can't go back to the way it was before. What created this trauma can never be the ways we live again. Never again. We must be willing and courageous to do it new, again. God is open to bringing in the new, but we must meet God halfway, so that God can help us set the miracles in motion. I'm with God. I've seen what the old ways can do and I will not enable them again. I will not make right what is wrong. The only way to generate new life is to reach into what can be birthed out of love. Love of self, love of God, love of life. I think of the body and how it works. I have to master this in my doctorate studies. I have to know how the body works so I can help heal it. It's a complicated mastery that only God could have created, with more biochemistry and genetic tapestry that you could ever want to know. When the body is sick, it takes so much understanding to correct what is wrong. It took generations of learning to get at both complex and simple solutions. We might have the desire to control it more than we should where we should be giving the body it's most powerful permission to show us the way to health and healing. We could heal more of the high blood pressure, the metabolic syndromes, the fatty liver, the gut mayhem, and our battles with food, pleasure, and desire if we seek to liberate ourselves from self harm. We harm ourselves each time that we make the pressures of the world that enable a sick culture the better way of conducting our lives versus saying that we can do it differently. We can do this differently. We can uncover the heartbeat. My job is to uncover what is true for me, what is true in the miracles that I'd like God's help to create, and to do my part.


My hope is that we will all choose to do more to truly heal versus just do what we've always done to enable what created this trauma in the first place. When we seek justice, when we lead our lives to create justice, we are healing in better ways.


It starts where you are, at the heartbeat, the highest essence of gratitude we have. It's where it all starts, and you can do nothing without it. So, be willing to go there. Go there where God created you. Take a step. Take God with you. See what that partnership will take you, and meet it half way. I believe you'll be in a better position and experience of your life if you do. Until next time....let the heartbeat live and bring in the new. Let's walk together, Jennifer


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